Epiphany!

You know, the first draft of this book took three years to write. Great job, everyone said. The first draft is the toughest part!

Turns out the editing process comes a close second.

First draft: 3 years
Editing: 2 years...so far!

Wow. Am I that bad a writer?

And every time I finish a big edit, I think "Yes! I finally have it! This is IT! It's done!" And the thrill lasts about five minutes...until someone else reads it.

Ouch.

I want to defend my work--I really do. I want to look the reader in the eye and say "HA! What do you know? You are missing the point and the big picture! I'm not changing a word!"

Why don't I?

Because, all to often, they're right. They know it. I know it. I'd be stupid to ignore their criticism. How else could I get better? How is my book supposed to become "great" if I can't take good advice?

It's bitter sweet, really. I want to be a great writer--who doesn't? I want to be good enough that I don't care what everyone else thinks. I want to say "Who is writing this book anyway?!"

But I also want my books to be the absolute best they can be. Which means, when someone edits my book--no, rips it apart--and I know, deep down, that they're right--I HAVE to fix it.

I suppose it's a mixture of ego and humility. You have to have a certain amount of ego to believe you can write something millions will pay to enjoy. But you also have to be able to take the criticism that goes with the job.

Heck, I'm not even published yet and it already hurts!

Yet, in spite of the pain...here I go again--Epiphany! I couldn't quit if I wanted to. I can make it better. I have to make it better than better.

I'm not going to quit until it's the best it can be.